Tuesday, 13 October 2015

How to Get Over Unrequited Love


This one's for the sad girls and boys who've loved more than they've been loved.

Before I got into my current relationship I lamented that I had the worst luck in matters of the heart. It seems silly now of course, but back then it was very hard to accept that no one I had ever felt affection for reciprocated my feelings. Most of my friends were or at least had been in relationships before. I was bitter about my lack of experience, especially since I felt I wasn't too shabby myself. I felt there was something inherently wrong with me.

There was that ex-colleague that would end online conversations with me because he said he had to go to bed, but stay online for hours after. Then there was that classic case of falling for your best friend, only to realise they loved someone else. Looking back, I realise how fortunate I was to receive clear rejections in one way or another. I moved on because I knew there was nothing left to fight for.

Nowadays unrequited love isn't so simple. There's tinder, there're fuckboys (and girls), there's the danger of falling for someone who's already taken. Sometimes you don't even get the benefit of a clear rejection. It's draining, confusing and outright frustrating. Been there, done that. Here's how you're going to get out.

1. Stop Pining

The problem with human beings is that we see hope where we want to, even though all the signs show otherwise. You could have 100 friends telling you that girl is a hoe, but you'll never forget that sweet text she sent and use it as a justification for all her hoebag actions. No. Stop.

Realise that a person who is worth your time wouldn't be giving you mixed signals in the first place. You deserve someone that has made up their mind on you.

2. Cold Turkey

Ok this one is hard, it's not for everyone but I highly recommend it. Also good for getting over exes (although I don't have any experience). Stop stalking their social media (unfollow if you have to), stop texting them, stop asking mutual friends about them. People you have feelings for are like addictions, feed them and they will fester.

3. Tell Your Friends

Once you've made up your mind about getting over someone, tell your friends about it. They'll keep you accountable and give you that disapproving stare when you say you texted that someone again. Their gaze will burn a hole in your face and you'll learn your lesson.

No but seriously, let your friends be there for you. I remember one of my bestest buds Charlene calling me to say "Come over to my place, I'll cook you noodles and we can watch a scary movie together". We did, and that made my day. After many more days like this with many more friends, I finally got better! Yay to friends. Nay to annoying people like me who cry on their sofa.

4. Distract yourself

I cannot emphasise this enough. Do things you love, pick up a hobby. I took the best photos when I was heartbroken than at any other point in my life. Channel the energy you spent overthinking into exercise/art. Start writing poetry and songs! Find comfort in your faith. Work and travel. Go to sleep. Create a special playlist to make you feel better. (My playlist was a mishmash of Maroon 5 and girl power kpop hits)



5. Remember You Are Enough

To tell you the truth, I wrote this whole blog entry to tell you this one thing. I don't know how sincere I come off in my writing, but believe me when I tell you this could be the single most important thing I have ever said on this blog. So often we use other people to measure our worth, and it's time we stopped. I am no less attractive, intelligent and special just because one person in the entire universe decided I wasn't worth their effort. Enough is enough. Enough means I stop asking myself why it wasn't me he/she chose. Enough means I deserve better.

Enough means I don't have to be more, because I am more.



3 comments :

  1. Nice photo :)
    BLOG M&MFASHIONBITES : http://mmfashionbites.blogspot.gr/
    Maria V.

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  3. Hi Chloe,
    Lovely post to read while listening to Adele's new song Hello! Haha
    Ps. Since you are so chic, I nominated you for The Liebster Award here – http://www.laurelmusical.com/post/132935648350/theliebsteraward2015

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