Tuesday, 3 October 2017

Changing of the Seasons


Dis me looking for job prospects as an English grad

I am now officially an unemployed English graduate. And if you were wondering, no, I don't intend on becoming a teacher.

Instead, it's autumn in England, which is where I'll be for the next year for my masters programme in world literature at Warwick University (yes, this place again). I consider this a passion project - an extension of my undergraduate degree, far more than a deliberate delay to enter the working world. I really only have my parents to thank for this wonderful and generous opportunity, because all the postgrad scholarships I applied for rejected me lol.

Nonetheless, there is so, so much to be grateful for. I know right now it seems like I'm living the dream, but the last year of my life has been the hardest so far.

Upon returning from my exchange programme last year, I had to deal with the aftermath of breaking with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. Friends and family were surprised that I ended the relationship during my time overseas, thinking that a relationship that had survived phases like his national service and my entering university would easily tide over just 6-months of long distance dating. I heard rumours that people in school thought I had found a foreign beau while I was away. #lolpls.

Truth is, it was this distance that allowed me to see that wonderful as he was, my ex and I were at different places in our lives and he could not provide me with some of the things I felt I needed from a potential life partner. When I met him for the last time, he held my face and told me we had to move on. I wished him all the best with his new girlfriend, although it honestly took me a while more before I was truly convicted of these words. Now, more than a year on, I look back fondly on the love and friendship that we shared, and will always maintain that he is one of the kindest and most patient people I've had the privilege to meet in this lifetime.

Since then, I've kept myself busy with a slew of masters applications, part-time jobs and tinder dates. I suppose I was rather successful in all three endeavours, considering I start grad school today and I landed myself a fantastic internship experience at Epigram Books over the summer. I also am seeing someone, though not from tinder. He is good at math, excel sheets and Chinese. In other words: not my usual type but makes up for everything I lack in day-to-day living. Plus points for dimples.

It was a hard road getting here, but there were also many little successes that I'd like to take stock of: my graduation thesis being selected for a gender symposium in NTU, co-writing a children's book that will be published this month by Epigram books, one of my poems in an anthology by Math Paper Press that will be launched during the Singapore Writer's Festival.

love you mum and pops
Above all, I am thankful. Thankful for friends that have stood by me when I was whiny and bitter, took me out shopping when I was heartbroken and baked me cakes for my birthday. Thankful for my family; for my parents' love for me and their love for each other. Thankful that my brother has not yet given up his fight with mental illness. Thankful for my other brother's humility even though he is honestly fucking kickass at beatboxing. And thankful to Jesus and his blessings, even though faith is a messy, complicated thing that I will probably never figure out.

See you guys around, and I hope you've been well too :)

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